First, the why: Empathy plays a significant role in social interactions and emotional intelligence. It enables children (everyone, really) to understand and share others’ feelings. This fosters compassionate interactions, which create positive relationships.
Modeling Empathic Behavior
Even when the mirror stings, it’s true. Children learn by observing what we do. Parents, teachers, and other role models who display empathy in their interactions are simultaneously teaching their children how to do the same.
It can also be helpful to openly discuss feelings about a difficult situation, showing understanding and concern for another person’s perspective. Example:
“Our neighbor, Mrs. Johnson, is very sad right now because her husband, Mr. Johnson, has passed away. That means he won’t be with us anymore, and when someone we love goes away like that, it can make us very sad. Remember how you felt when [age-appropriate relatable experience, like a pet loss]? That’s how Mrs. Johnson might be feeling, but even stronger.”
Take it further by encouraging compassionate action.
Maybe we can do something nice for Mrs. Johnson to show her we care. What do you think we can do that would help her feel a little better?”
Age-appropriate options here, for a young child, could be drawing a picture, helping to bake cookies, or simply visiting to say Hello.
Reading and Discussing Stories
Storytelling is a powerful tool for emotional and social learning. Stories can provide diverse perspectives and help children relate to others’ emotions and situations.
- “That was an interesting story, wasn’t it? How do you think [character’s name] felt when [specific event in story]?”
- “What do you think made them feel [emotion]? Have you ever felt that way?”
- “Remember when you [relatable experience], just like [character name]? How did you feel that day?”
Emotion Coaching with Emotional Vocabulary
Teaching children (and modeling) how to identify and express emotions helps them more accurately recognize and respond to others’ feelings.
“I see that you’re having a tough time with the puzzle. It seems like you might be feeling frustrated. Is that right?” Associate a feeling with words.
“It’s okay to feel frustrated when something is hard to do. Frustration is a feeling we get when things don’t go the way we want.” Validates and explains the emotion.
“Sometimes I feel frustrated too, like when I can’t fix something at home. When that happens, I take deep breaths and try to think of different ways to solve the problem. Let’s try taking three deep breaths together. Sometimes, taking a short break can also help.” Models emotional expression and an emotional regulation strategy.
At a later time, I can point out a similar emotion in others.
“Look at [character in book]. They seem frustrated because [problem]. How do you think they feel? What do you think might help them feel better?”
Role Playing and Considering Other Perspectives
During play, I can guide my children to act out scenarios where they portray characters with differing viewpoints and emotions.
“Let’s pretend these two dolls are friends, but they want to play different games. One wants to play hide-and-seek, and the other wants to build a tower with blocks. You can be the doll who wants to play hide-and-seek, and I’ll be the one who wants to play blocks. How do you think your doll feels about wanting to play a different game? How will she tell my doll about it?”
“Now my doll understands that you love hide-and-seek. She feels sad because she wanted to build a tower. What do you think they can do so both dolls are happy?”
“Maybe they can play a little of both, taking turns? What do you think about that?”
Conflict Resolution
Example scenario: two young children disagree about who gets to play with a specific toy.
“I can see that you both really want to play with this toy. It’s hard when we have to share something we like so much.” Acknowledges each child’s feelings.
“Can you tell me why this toy is important to you? How do you feel when you can’t play with it?” Encourage expressing the emotions.
“How do you think [other child] feels right now? How would you feel in their place?” Encourage consideration of other perspectives.
“What if we set a timer, and you each get to play with the toy for 10 minutes? Then you both have a turn.” Offer a solution fair to each.
“Great! It’s wonderful that you both found a way to play fairly.” Reinforce understanding and sharing.