DO
“Wow, those are big words. Let me take a breath. I hear how upset you are. Tell me more.”
(The Most Generous Interpretation [MGI] of the intent. This should be my go-to POV.)
This preserves our connection & relationship. I want to reflect back to my kids that they are Good Inside, even when they are struggling. (Chapter 1)
Moments of dysregulation are when my kids most need to understand, “Who am I? Am I a bad kid doing bad things, or am I a good kid having a hard time?”
DO NOT
- “What? I just [something you did] for you. You’re so ungrateful.”
(Interprets your child’s response as spoiled and/or ungrateful.) - “When you say that it makes me sad.”
(Conveys to your child that their feelings are too powerful or scary to be managed, that they harm others.) - Ignore, walk away.
(Sends message that your child is unreasonable or their concerns are unimportant to you.)